The life worth it?

"Der  blöde Teufel" - long gone memories

of high school German and philosophy

was a fascination for the teacher and his pupil

He claimed to be one of the Electors

I was captivated by this philosophy

: to try everything human - a shy girl

with a handicap and a curiosity 

he - an old homosexual with a love unrequited

That was the beginning of the ending

an human comedy set in many acts

Did I fulfill my quest for knowledge?

Did the life asked of me what it could?

Did fate lead to challenges of wanting ?

What have I not tried? Is there something 

that must still be probed - me a « matriarch « 

Recently named by someone close!

Never once did that word even enter

My voracious vocals of wordsmithing

So every day even today is a lesson 

A rainy day where I am trying to learn

Puppy training for the oldie unwise

To acquire a dog during a pandemic 

Having forgotten everything about pups

This is a new experience exquisitely hard

And due to his wild nature of wolves

Albeit a  small but stubborn creature 

He will teach me more about patience 

Than ever before because I have forgotten 

And I should have remembered rawly !

Of lovers lost and found but not forgotten 

There are a beginning a middle and an end

A few need mentioning - my first lover

On April Fools day marked forever a fool

Still to this moment  a minute pining 

Sadly he never liked me - possibly of pity

For me a coup de foudre - not even good

A few mistakes - a holiday one here there

In foreign lands one Aussie handsome

A sweetheart - gentle - would I marry him

I just could not  but friends forever

Through out everything until his death

My heart still remembers his gentleness 

Of course I tried living with a man

Complicated - corrosive cohabitation 

But I got my son - a beautiful child 

An even more wonderful father 

In Aussie-immensely ironically so 

With my hubby - an easier ride - 

A friend - for life - calm existence 

Except when I muddle it -

Two strong children both musicians

One a determined demoiselle plus 2

The other - my showman of renown

Muddled you said ah yes there are

Dark corners in every soul and

Satisfaction is hard to come by

Physical attraction is gripping 

By the soft spot of my vulva

It grows pounding in my ears

And so like all female beasts

I embrace the member - wildly

My so-called career - not much

nothing really to show for it

but the love of books and reading

knowledge and wisdom found

in those oeuvres - has given me 

insights to the human soul -

with lots of surprises in between

mostly to my own reactions

trying not to be judgmental 

and be a humble curious

An epitaph over me - at my funeral

would be - she loved life - 

.... a memory ... she felt all human

erring often - trying the rectify

her mistakes - failed like anybody

yet - yes nothing human is unknown

even though the inhumane hatred of ...

.....

alas I did make a pact with life/devil

and it smeared - it oiled -  it tempted

but if it had not swirled - boiled

it would not have been worth it

it is all a matter of perspective

and I have been damned lucky

after all.......