"Der blöde Teufel" - long gone memories
of high school German and philosophy
was a fascination for the teacher and his pupil
He claimed to be one of the Electors
I was captivated by this philosophy
: to try everything human - a shy girl
with a handicap and a curiosity
he - an old homosexual with a love unrequited
That was the beginning of the ending
an human comedy set in many acts
Did I fulfill my quest for knowledge?
Did the life asked of me what it could?
Did fate lead to challenges of wanting ?
What have I not tried? Is there something
that must still be probed - me a « matriarch «
Recently named by someone close!
Never once did that word even enter
My voracious vocals of wordsmithing
So every day even today is a lesson
A rainy day where I am trying to learn
Puppy training for the oldie unwise
To acquire a dog during a pandemic
Having forgotten everything about pups
This is a new experience exquisitely hard
And due to his wild nature of wolves
Albeit a small but stubborn creature
He will teach me more about patience
Than ever before because I have forgotten
And I should have remembered rawly !
Of lovers lost and found but not forgotten
There are a beginning a middle and an end
A few need mentioning - my first lover
On April Fools day marked forever a fool
Still to this moment a minute pining
Sadly he never liked me - possibly of pity
For me a coup de foudre - not even good
A few mistakes - a holiday one here there
In foreign lands one Aussie handsome
A sweetheart - gentle - would I marry him
I just could not but friends forever
Through out everything until his death
My heart still remembers his gentleness
Of course I tried living with a man
Complicated - corrosive cohabitation
But I got my son - a beautiful child
An even more wonderful father
In Aussie-immensely ironically so
With my hubby - an easier ride -
A friend - for life - calm existence
Except when I muddle it -
Two strong children both musicians
One a determined demoiselle plus 2
The other - my showman of renown
Muddled you said ah yes there are
Dark corners in every soul and
Satisfaction is hard to come by
Physical attraction is gripping
By the soft spot of my vulva
It grows pounding in my ears
And so like all female beasts
I embrace the member - wildly
My so-called career - not much
nothing really to show for it
but the love of books and reading
knowledge and wisdom found
in those oeuvres - has given me
insights to the human soul -
with lots of surprises in between
mostly to my own reactions
trying not to be judgmental
and be a humble curious
An epitaph over me - at my funeral
would be - she loved life -
.... a memory ... she felt all human
erring often - trying the rectify
her mistakes - failed like anybody
yet - yes nothing human is unknown
even though the inhumane hatred of ...
.....
alas I did make a pact with life/devil
and it smeared - it oiled - it tempted
but if it had not swirled - boiled
it would not have been worth it
it is all a matter of perspective
and I have been damned lucky
after all.......
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